I have to admit something: I am very insecure about how I look.
Funny how that sounds like because this blog is about skin care, makeup and things that make one's self pretty. Well, it does make sense that I am writing this confession to you. Some of you know me personally. Some of you just met me recently. Some of you met me when I was a teenager.
Thanks to M who boosted up my energy this morning when she complimented my latest profile picture on Yahoo Messenger. She told me that I looked great and that it was good that I am learning to work with what I have. It's really hard to believe in one's self when you wake up one day feeling like the ugliest person in the universe. (Melodramatic, but it does happen, doesn't it?) Feeling unattractive is something people of all shapes and sizes experience. It could be because of what other people tell us or it could be because of something else. In my case, I have been labeled as the fat girl when I was younger and it doesn't help that I am still big and growing bigger each day.
That's when fighting for yourself needs to happen. You need to sort out the bad from the good. J and I have been texting each other last night and she really did give me a sense of comfort. Despite the fact that she's younger than I am, when it comes to these things, I look up to her because she has that confident air about her. I think that's one of the reasons I miss interacting with her more frequently: her energy is infectious! Just her hello is enough to send good vibes in this universe. Because of that positive energy that she exudes, she is such a pleasure to be with. The simplest conversations could turn out to be the most inspiring ones.
But I digress. One needs to find himself/herself and learn more about the things that make himself/herself unique. What is special about you? Are you paying attention to yourself? Sometimes we're too busy meeting deadlines, dealing with our clients, working ourselves to make sure we earn our keep. We forget that we need to take care of ourselves in every possible way. Are we still growing in terms of our character? Or are we stagnating?
I generally believe that when you are beautiful inside, you get to reflect that outside. When we learn more about ourselves, when we allow ourselves to dream and pursue those dreams and achieve them, we gain confidence because of the little victories and the big victories we come across. Confidence does play a big part in giving out a beautiful aura which translates to something generally appealing to people. You might not look like Ms. Universe, but you could still be the most charming person around if you let yourself shine.
The bad thoughts enter my head often these days. Maybe that's part of the reason why I haven't been blogging as much. But if I want to improve myself inside and out, I need to wrestle with those thoughts and win over them. And some of them, I need to embrace. Why? Because I think that some of those bad thoughts are partly correct: they might be about my weaknesses and so I have to embrace those weaknesses so I could deal with them accordingly. If I want my inner beauty to shine through this madness I am experiencing right now, I need to face them one by one and just bring them out into the open. Well, not as openly as posting about all of them here. At least find someone I trust to talk to about them and not let the thoughts fester. I need healing first. Then I hope to gain the confidence that will help me become the better version of myself.
And if you're struggling like me, I encourage you to sort things out and find help from people you trust a lot. It will be better for you to find someone to lighten the burden. He/she could remind you of the good things in your life and show you what lessons you could gain from your experiences. You don't have to feel alone. I hope that once you've started dealing with these things, you'd become a more confident person and a beautiful one too.